Dont lose your head to gain a minute, you need your head, your brains are in it.
Fool me once shame on you; fool me twice shame on me.
What goes up must come down, but theres no parallel law of anti-gravity that says
what comes down must go up.
If I tell a lie, its only because Im sincerely convinced of telling the
S. L. U. G. is
Upward Growth, or slowing the rate of increase
in government spending or, de-increasing, going to a 5% increase instead of a 10%
Life is what happens to you while your making other plans.
The first man to raise his voice has lost the argument.
If you love the post office, you will love government automobile Insurance plans.
The only stupid question is the one that isnt asked.
STONEWALLING is killing a chicken to scare
Its fatal to be right when the rest of the world is wrong.
One shouldn't try to sell roses in a fish market.
When a dog barks at the moon, it has no effect on the moon.
The only constant thing in life is change.
Having an argument = Bumping gully's.
In the cold of winter beneath the snow lies the seed that in the spring becomes the
God created all men and the Winchester made them all equal.
Canada & USA border is at 54.40 degrees Latitude.
Dont do the crime if you cant do the time.
The Eiffel Tower is 921 feet tall.
Women marry men hoping they will change, men marry women hoping they wont change.
The shortest speech in the world is! "If it is to be, its up to me."
Its not how many square miles that make the country great; its how many
square people who live in it.
Do Observe, Understand, Imagine and Create.
A gold mine is a hole in the ground with a liar on top.
A good dealer wont try to sell you a car; he will help you buy one.
Victor Hugo, born 26 February 1802 and died 22 May 1885, wrote Les
The difference between a snapshot and a picture is where you take it "from".
Did you ever hear about the world's greatest secret agent?
Folk music is about the land, country music is about the people.
UFOs a negative hypothesis, in that nobody can prove that they dont exist.
Roy Rogers real name was Leonard Sly and Dale Evens was Francine Smith.
If you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have them.
The joy of games, nothing ever happens the way its suppose to.
How do you tell a happy motorcycle rider? Count the bugs on his teeth.
Selling shares short: 1. Borrow shares from your broker. 2. Sell at todays price.
3. When they drop, pay your broker and keep the difference.
No mater where you go. There you are!
When interest rates are low stocks will grow, when interest rates are high stocks will
120 steps in 30 minutes will carry an army 3 ½ miles in one hour.
If you keep 2/3 of your wealth in land you are not as exposed to economic change.
October 24, 1929 the stock market collapses.
February 7, 1986 truffles cost $200.00 an ounce.
The one right that supersedes all others is the right to be left alone.
Skip politics and go strait into corruption.
What did the worm say to the caterpillar? Where did you get the fur coat slut?
Do you like fish? I dont eat anything that eats worms.
Romer calculated the speed of light by measuring the eclipses of the moons of Jupiter at
different distances in our orbit around the sun.
Buying land is like dancing with a gorilla, you're done when hes done.
Usually government statistical figures are self-serving, inflated or deflated.
You dont reform a Frankenstein you destroy it. (Bishop Tutu).
If you dont stand up for what you believe in, then you deserve what you get.
In small claims court you have to prove negligence, cause and damages.
A big game hunter doesn't allow himself to be diverted by rabbit tracks.
Everybody has to kill his or her own snakes.
It's hard to make an omelette if you dont break some eggs.
With one foot on a block of ice and the other in boiling water, the average is that you
"Herman come down from that tree!" " No.!" "If you fall
down and break both your legs, dont come running to me".
The best forecasting tool in business is hindsight.
Eat your eggs before I break your legs.
"Do you have any children?" "No". "What do you do for
If the mountain wont come to Mohammed, then Mohammed will have to go to the
Boeing 747 SR (special), for short halls only, Japanese with a capacity of 550
When two people are in love, theres only one way to put a stop to it, get married.
The undertaker said, "You may not like flowers at first but eventually they will
grow on you".
"I cant remember a thing doctor". How long have you had this problem?
Remember the golden rule! He whom has the gold makes the rule.
Fashion is the thing that is soon out of fashion. Elegance is the thing that is
I had a dog that could play poker; but he was stupid because every time he had a good
hand hed wag his tail.
The heart doesn't beet for itself but for the whole body.
A journey of a thousands miles begins with a single step, so make sure your heading in
the right direction. (Confucius).
Long John Silvers mother said. "Dont come in till you wipe your
I saw a man in the gutter and I said, "Are you sic, can I help you?" He said
no, I found a parking space and I sent my wife out to bye a car.
Im not independently wealthy but I would be if I had the money.
When the Newfie terrorist was told to blow up a bus, he burned his lips on the exhaust
Being important is unimportant.
Living next to the US is like sleeping with an elephant.
116 Loaves of bread = 1 batch.
"PR" Planning Reactions, Press Relations, Peoples Recall, Personnel
Yesterday I shot an elephant in my pyjamas, how he got in my
pyjamas Ill. never
Im not prejudice, I hate everybody.
Genius is one- percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration. (Thomas
I wanted to plead insanity, but the judge said thats insane.
"Mummy, do I have to have a clown at my birthday party?" Well son your father
lives here too you know.
Common sense is not very common.
You should see the car I stole yesterday, real classy, it's got a burglar alarm and
"My husband think hes a chicken", Why dont you take him to see a
psychiatrist. "I would but I can use the eggs.
"My husband thinks hes a Great Dane". " How long has this been
going on?" "Ever since he was a puppy".
On December 24th I saw a man wearing hockey kneepads, shoulder pads and a
helmet walking down the street. I asked him if he was going to play hockey, he
said no, he was going shopping.
A man swallows 2 fifty cents pieces, and sees a doctor years latter. Doctor, "Why
didnt you come to see me before?" Man, I didnt need the money until
My wifes cooking broke the dog's habit of begging at the table.
Mummy, why dont you ever take me to the zoo? "If they want you they will come
and get you".
My wife is hooked up to a machine that keeps her alive; a refrigerator.
I called home and said to my wife, Im exited thinking about the last time that we
made love, and she said, "Who is this?"
Eskimo hooker = A frosstitute.
No respect, we would play hide and seek and nobody would come and look for me. (Rodney
No respect, yesterday I went to a dog show and I won.